Fatness and embarassment

Okay so today was not over during my last post where I actually started to feel good about myself. Today I felt attractive for the first time in a long time after all I have a husband that loves me and seems to think that I am fairly attractive and he said I was pretty and all that jazz. It made me feel good so before I knew it I was prancing around in my prom dress before he got home jsut for the hell of it.. and he showed me the lightning otuside and the radio said that rain wouldn't be around until a few more days. So I was a little sad but not bad and we were going to do some laundry! WOoot Clean clothes! Who can not be happy about that when Step dad in law last time. he felt bad and invited us over again for tonight and yeah so then.. we figure we'll show up early and get our laundry done and that way we could leave if things got awkward. It took all of like ten minutes for me to decide to get us to go. So I'm sitting on the day bed.. now his day bed has been broken for as far back as I can remember and I know I have a big fat ass but still it was just the principal of the thing. I never sat in his old chair because it was uncomfortable.. so mr. Jerk off decides hey! Let's tell pathetic fat ass daughter in law that it's her fault... Ya know because of her big fat ass that she can't seem to lose so hat everytime she eats she feels so upset that she needs to puke.. let's tell her that the furniture that broke because of her big fat ass. Yeah.. because she fat and totally ripping down the fact that she did manage to lose some weight.. that little tinny inkling of.. hey you aren't so ugly after all just demolished and nuked in my stomach.. So then he tells me it's just like having a person that is in a wheel chair you just have to -provide- proper furniture for them.. like having ramps and stuff and that his mom was big and she had a special "heavy duty" chair that she sat in and it was just her chair.. so by this point I am thinking.. oh wow I feel wonderful now.. but I smiled and said i understood and he hugged me and played the "i'm a nice asshole tune a dozen times" and long after he should have dropped it he just kept talking. So I figure I've tried all the healthy choices so I figure now I'll try the unhealthy options I've been avoiding.. I'll just stop eating near as much.. substitues will include milk or eggs.. or maybe bagels or english muffins.. I will eat no meat.. drink as little milk as possible.. no candy or soda and I 'll eat lots of veggies.. maybe next paycheck we can buy something more than canned veggies and something fresh. I'll try to start working out even more too.. and then yeah.. so we'll try this and any more desperate and I think I'll just start taking speed. Seeing as how that's what hollywood does that's good enough for me